So I have no idea how to eat anymore. I can physically put the fork in my mouth, but what to put on that fork is a burning question. My son and I suffered through the documentary, Vegucated. If you aren’t familiar, it is a horrifying journey of 3 New Yorkers turing Vegan for 6 weeks. There is a great deal of information regarding negative environmental factors involved with meat production, but the terror comes with slaughter house footage, how animals are treated, or shall I say mistreated, with a natural dose of adverse health effects common to carnivores. My little man kept covering his eyes, I was in tears, and he eventually left to tend to his legos while I suffered through the turmoil. We ate PB&J for a couple of days, and even though he’s back to cheese burgers, he is making some healthier choices. On our last date celebrating his successful completion of 4th grade he ordered fruit instead of fries, and when his lemonaide was ready for a refill he asked for water instead. Dr. Furmon, a nutrition expert and doctor that I follow, informed us that it takes 15 times to try a new food for kids to like it. My meat and grease lover watched this speech, so he has been eating one of everything now and has fully committed to trying new things 15 times. I think that’s pretty darn cool. In related news, we also are playing basketball and we walk and hike, fulfilling a new 1 hour of physical activity goal per day. We are transitioning into a healthier lifestyle for him (I exercise all the time and eat very well). It feels good and it’s so nice to see progress being made from my nagging efforts and endless worry of if I am taking care of the two of them to the best of my ability. I won’t always be there to help make good choices, so to see it happening with my eldest means a lot. My daughter is too young, but is a much better eater of veggies. While I am home, I might as well be doing all of the good I can do.
I have been eating very well as of late. Everyone around me is sick, and I am trying to side-step that by eating well. My daughter has a lingering kennel cough from preschool, and she has not been sleeping at night. I have to say I am tuckered out and I hope I don’t lose the battle to stay well to exhaustion. I am not feeling 100% today, so it will be early to bed for me, and hopefully a restful night. I’m not too hopeful. I have a hard time sleeping as it is, so the added awakenings due to her coughing and crying are not great for my well-being, but that is motherhood for you. How I wish I could ask someone else to be on duty tonight so that I could sleep though and not feel the worry and responsibility that I live with constantly, but again, that’s motherhood, and I embrace it all – the good, the bad, and the very very tired.
As you can tell from my ramblings, there isn’t much going on for me, period. No job interviews on the horizon, no dates scheduled, and it’s the last full week of school, so life will shift again for our little family. I’m focusing on my attitude and how I am framing my story and this time in my life. I won’t get these years back at home with the kids, and I truly do love being a good mom. It’s expensive as hell, but when I look back, how will I ever be able to regret that I *had* to spend an extra year or so at home raising two beautiful souls that will be better off for the rest of their lives for it? Wow, how mature and self-actualized do I sound? It’s better than me being in tears and feeling sorry for myself. And to be honest, which is why I am writing all of this, I am actually feeling better about my situation. I have my days when I am so very down that it hurts, and you have been there with me on some of those dark occasions, but right now I am a little lighter. My good friend shared her revelation with me; life is about the little choices in the moment, and making them out of love. I’m going to do that this week. All my good little choices are going to add up to a different looking week – care to follow and see how that works? I was already doing a bit better just because I stopped caring so much about the job and finding the solution. I am doing what I am supposed to do, and the rest is a bit out of my control. As long as I am doing all of that, then I am trying to let myself off the hook a bit and be okay with staying home, loving on my kids, and enjoying my time with the amazing friends I have. I like her way better. It’s more positive, gives more meaning and forces me to focus on the present.
It’s now 5:30am Monday morning. Mondays are always a day to start over and fresh for the new week. This week I am going to try to add a few dance lessons, maybe schedule some coffee dates, take my kids to the beach, exercise, eat really well, and be the best me I can be making good choices in the moment out of love. Let’s see if I can do that, stay upbeat, and figure out a new eating plan. Care to join me? What are you making for dinner?
mommydancexi 