I can’t believe it has been so long since I have written. 6 months. It’s been over half of a year since I have allowed myself the healing opportunity to let my feelings in their entirety flow through my fingertips. To be honest, I started many times, but I was too scared to put my true feelings in writing. You might find yourself wondering ‘why’ since I didn’t seem to have any issues spewing the sad, pathetic, and depressing low lights of my most recent past. But life has a funny way of turning. Here’s a peek into what transpired over the past few months: 7 months ago I met my equal. 5 months ago I landed an ideal job. 4 months ago I hired a spirited and caring nanny so I don’t worry while I work. 3 months ago my son stopped complaining of his fears of dying. 2 months ago I began to experience a lot of success at work. Currently my children are healthy and doing well. And me? Today I am happy. I’m more than happy, in fact, I am content. Yes, I find feeling content being a step above happiness. It’s an embracing state of calm positive well-being.
It’s amazing how quick these life-altering positives swept over me! Upon re-entering the workforce, my despair turned to clarity, my common worries have shifted to productive action, my finances are on a path to sustainability, and my insomnia is still insomnia – wait – we can’t have it all… And even though I have ups and downs, my insides are calm. I have this overwhelming feeling that life is as it should be…finally. I’m working, providing, and achieving both independently and in partnership. I don’t know whether I survived or arrived, but I am pleased to be here. So when/if life turns again, let this post serve as my reminder that I will eventually get back through to better times; I always do. And why? Because I have this precious combination of supportive family and friends that never leave me, and are committed to seeing me through to the other side. I like this side where there is beauty and hope and peace. In this space I’m reacquainting myself with balance; time to be productive at work, working on projects without interruption (oh how I forgot what a gift that is), true joy and being present when spending time with my children, and time to love and be loved. There is nothing earth-shattering in this equation, nothing crazy, no drama. I just adds up equaling normalcy. I’m hoping it results in staying awhile.
So, I haven’t wanted to write because I don’t want to jinx the calm, content, easy-going life that found me in these short months. But that wouldn’t be progress now would it? So instead, I am going to live in the moment and say that 2015 ended on an incredibly normal high note that felt nothing less than extraordinary for me. I have no idea what 2016 and beyond has in store, but I plan to focus on greater things like adding vegetables to my children’s diet, tackling how to limit screen time for my son, how to keep the pounds off while having a desk job, and maybe a little around how to stay strong, independent and true to myself. That feels good.
Let’s keep the fear at bay….Happy New Year, and I mean happy.
mommydancexi 